Of Forgiving and Letting Go

"Everyone who is in your life is meant to be part of your journey, but not everyone is meant to stay. Sometimes, they are only there long enough to teach you the lessons that you needed to learn." -anonymous

       It's been more than a year and I can still vividly remember what I have been through. I really thought that he was the one, yet in an instant, it fell apart. It turned out, 7 years and a kid were not enough to have a happily ever after.

       At first, I was in utter disbelief. I was wishing it was just one of those random nightmares I have been having and I will eventually wake up and everything will be alright again. However, reality hit me hard. It was truly happening. Slowly it sank in. Everyday, I cried myself to sleep. There were even instances when I start crying out of the blue. Slowly and torturously, the gaping blackhole that he left in me has started sucking the life (or what's left of it) out of me.  Everyday, I wake up and go through all my routines just for the sake of doing so. I was like a zombie- physically alive yet practically dead. All the hopes and dreams I built for the future, EVERYTHING, went down the drain. I tried finding answers to my whys but I ended up solely blaming myself for everything that has happened. I bury myself more in self-loathing and misery. My ego and confidence were crushed beyond repair, or so I thought that time. I was pushed to the brink of insanity. I have hit rock-bottom.

       Those who witnessed and knew my story would have to agree with me that the journey I have been through the past year was hard. Hard is even an understatement. It was hell! I deserved to be angry. I deserved to bear a grudge strong enough to materialize a curse... yet I did the opposite. I chose to let go of the hurts. I chose to forgive because forgiveness is a favor you give not to the person who wronged you but to yourself. It frees you from the burdens of the past and opens the door to a grace-filled future. What I am now is a far cry from the mess that I was a year ago. I am proud to say that my life is falling into place.  I am stronger and wiser. I am regaining my self-confidence by pursuing the things I am passionate about. Yes, there are times when people still ask me if I feel any regrets. I bravely answer them "No," coz why would I? The happiness I felt during that relationship is something genuine. It may have not ended well but it made me realize my worth and it gave me the best gift I could ever have- my daughter.